Their Side of It
by Monasteriense
Summary: The Lagiacrus wants you to know his side of the story on what happened in Moga Village. It's not PETM, I swear. My first Fic, R&R would be appreciated. So far, there's only the Lagiacrus. More will be added if people like it! T for language.
1. The Lagiacrus

I had fun writing this story. But, I think only I get most of the humor. ._.

Either way, I hope you enjoy reading it.

Rated T for language,

I _WISH_ I owned Monster Hunter Tri.

My first fic ever, critique requested! None of that 'be nice to me' shit! I wanna know what you have to say!

So. You, as a hunter, will immediately dismiss this story as bullshit because human are simple minded jackasses. But, this is the truth, I tell you! That Moga Chief jerk has been lying to you all along! Well, he hasn't, actually. But, he is only telling you _his _side of the story, which is completely unfair! I think I get a say in this, right? (The answer is yes. Don't argue.) So, this is what really happened:

It all started in the ocean shallows near Moga Village. Which, according to the Chief, is a problem in itself. (Pfft, he doesn't own the ocean) Well, I was only there because that Ceadus jerk was swinging his freakishly long horns around, and I'm all like, "Dude, cut that out! You're gonna poke someone's eye out!" But he didn't listen to me, of course. Elder Dragons. So anyway, I relocated.

So, I guess Cheify was all pissed off about those broken boats. And, yeah, I don't deny smashing them. I've got a perfectly legit reason for it, though! I was swimming in Moga Shallows, minding my business and checking out my new pad, when these boats come into view. So I'm all, "Okay, whatevs," and keep minding my own business. After a while, I came up to relax in the sun and take a breather, but, those boats (Who were totally _not_ looking where they were going) ran right into my FACE. I gave them plenty of warning, and if they knew their maritime laws, they would've known _I_ had the right-of-way. But anyway, if someone ran a boat into your face, you'd be a little pissed off, too. So, I smashed up two of their boats to teach them a lesson. Perhaps it wasn't the greatest idea, but most organisms tend to make bad decisions when they're angry. (cough*chacha*cough) Really, though, they should be thanking me. I destroyed the old, crappy boats, and they got shiny new ones because of it! You're welcome?

Either way, it ticked them off, and they're all "OH MY GODZ THAT LAGICRUS IS ALL EVUL AN STUFF!1111" And they got some total noob hunter to get rid of me. _Nice._ I wasn't particularly concerned, so I kept MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS in Moga Coast. Then one day, I was hunting some epioth, and spotted a small group of them, so moved in. I swam up, and owned one of their faces. The epioth went "EWWWWEREWWW" and died, and I'm like, "Sweet," When this nooby hunter shows up. Apparently, she was hunting epioth too. So, I figured I would take this opportunity to show her what she was dealing with, and swam over to give her a little taste of my awesome. I readied my electrical charge, and gave her a little zap. Like, the weakest zap I could muster. Unfortunately, I didn't realize just how noobish she was, and she fainted right then and there. I mean, I know humans are pathetic and frail, but really? That was just kind of sad. Anyway, I turned around to deal with my epioth, and with a glance back, she was gone! Poof, like she vanished into thin air! Er, water. (I later found out that Felynes came and got her. I'm still trying to figure out how that works.) Anyway, I decided to apologize like the nice, respectable monster I am. As she jumped into the water in Area 10, I said, "Hey, I'm sorry I kind of killed you! I didn't realize how lame and pathetic you were!" And I thought it was a nice gesture, and she'd be all like, "Aw, Lagi, it's okay now!" And we'd get along. But, I forgot humans don't speak Lagiacrus, and apparently it sounded like a seriously scary, mean, monster roar. Oops. She hauled ass to somewhere, and I was like, "Whatevs, I don't have time for this shiz," and went back to swimming. After that, I didn't see her again for quite a while. Again, oops.

So, a few weeks or so later, I'm just chillin', minding my own business and taking a nap on land. But, those stupid Jaggi kept barking at me, and it was_ really_ irritating. I mean, no matter how many of those things you kill, there's always a thousand more! You'd think they'd get hunted to extinction after a while. But _noooooo._ So, these Jaggi wake me up, and I'm cranky about it. I need my beauty sleep, or my scales will get dull and bent up! I told them to "SHUT UP!" And because the universe loves me, that hunter just happened to show up then. Coincidence? I think not. Anyway, she runs up and starts attacking me for _no reason_! WTF? Now, I'm already crabby, and now she comes along and makes my night EVEN _FUCKING_ BETTER. So, in another momentary lapse of judgment, I start fighting back. BECAUSE THATS WHAT THINGS DO WHEN YOU TRY TO KILL THEM. I'm thinking, "Not up in here!" I was sick of this hunter swimming all over the place and killing the epioth anyway, so I figure two birds, one stone. But, I greatly underestimated her improvement. She had pimped out armour and some bad-assed weapon, and she kicked my butt all the way to Area 10.

So, she's all "QUEST COMPLETE!" and I'm stuck with no claws, no tail, and a hurt chest, and seriously wounded pride. Remember how I was just taking a nap, and she ran up and started hitting me with her metal stick? I hope you do, because it was like, a paragraph ago. (What are you, a goldfish?) So now, yeah, I'm seriously pissed off. You would be too in my situation. After a little R&R, I decided to show that upstart, hunter jerk why I'm Sea-Lord, and she's some stupid, bipedal, landlubber mammal. I made my back to Moga Coast, and smashed shit up to show her this was SERIOUS BUSINESS, like the internet. (Those pillars obscured my vision anyways. When I came back later, though, they were back! What did they do? Grow out of the rock!) She came running into the area, jumped in the sea, and it was ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

That little acorn-headed freak is really annoying. Between his constant, stupid dancing, and horrible grammar that gives me a headache, I knew I should take him out first. After a few hits, he vanished in a puff of smoke. Coward. Haha. Then, it was on to the hunter jerk. Time to teach her some manners. I nailed her with an electric ball, and it took out like, half her health because she had super-low electrical resistance. I mean, c'mon. That's just insulting. Be decently prepared if you're gonna take me on. You think I'm some little Ludroth? News flash: I'm infinitely cooler and stronger. So that n00b went on land to heal, like the inferior being she is. I wasn't about to go on land, so I curled up and waited. She dove back into the water, and it was on again. But somehow that Cha-Cha idiot was back! What was he, immortal? Why won't he die like everything else? Anyway, I kept bringing on the pain, until my horns broke! My pride and joy! Gone! Okay, this had gone far enough. I went onto land to recover a bit, and get my strength up. As I jumped on land, she followed me! And I was like, "I need a moment!" But, I didn't have a Twix, and that hunter didn't have a heart, apparently.

So, as you can probably guess, land isn't exactly my forte, and my plan backfired big time. My ass got thoroughly handed to me, and my tail got cut off, AGAIN. Do you think it feels good, having your tail severed twice? That little twat, to add insult to injury, carved it right in front of my face! How insensitive! I mean, really! Needless to say, I didn't appreciate that. But at the same time, I didn't have the energy to exact my Lagi-wrath on her. I jumped back into my element, and slunk away in shame. I decided to take a nap in area 12, (Hey, not all ideas are winners) and curled up. Because I'm made of pixels and it's convenient to the player, (PROGRAMMERS D) I fell asleep instantly. But this hunter, ONCE AGAIN, interrupts my nap with her metal pokey stick. I hate to say it, but the fight didn't last long. I was tired, in pain, and crippled. In the end, it was Lagi: 1 Human: 2. But really, without your armour and weapons, you'd be useless and pathetic. How does that feel? Snap.

So, hunter. I hope reading this makes you realize that you can't always listen to your own species all the time. Monsters have reasons for what they're doing, and they're better than yours. If you ever want to learn to coexist wit-Oh, wait. Right, it's a game, and killing monsters in the whole point of it, so that'll never happen. Well, maybe it was wasted time, since I'm, you know, not real and made of pixels. But still, I can try, right?

**By the way:** You may wonder how this story came around if I'm dead. The answer? The same as the felynes getting your carcass out of the water. Nobody knows but me. HA. SUCK ON THAT! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, BITCHES!


	2. The Rathalos

**Their Side of It: **_The Rathalos_

**Wooow. Okay, so this hasn't been updated in like, a year. Maybe less. I'm too lazy to check the dates. But seriously, it's because I have the attention span of a hamster. I haven't played MH3 in a while, either. Although I was online not too long ago... Hm. Anyway, before I bore you to death, I better start this. But please note all of this is ad-libbed, and I promise to use less caps lock abuse in this one. **

**Since the Rathalos is less crucial to the plot of Monster Hunter, this chapter is sure to be shorter than the Lagiacrus one. And I'm hoping for more of logic humour than 'cabana girl' accent, caps lock, 'oh-no-she-didn't' stuff. I dunno. I'm lacking motivation. My life...it's being consumed...by drawing, school, and Soul Eater. God, the intro is going to be longer than the story at this rate. **

**Pff, I started writing this chapter like, 5 months ago. Then I forgot about it. Hey look, now I'm working on it again. **

**I finally got my hands on MHFU, so expect me to stray from the MH Tri...in a year or so, when I write another chapter maybe. Sorry if this chapter isn't as funny! D:**

So, I think the reason you're trying to kill me is because I've been burning a few towns down, eating a few people...But hey, monsters need hobbies to! Maybe a few people get caught in the crossfire, but you're overpopulated anyways. Hey, I'm doing the species a favor, dammit! Weeding out the weak and all that. It's natural selection! I'm nature, and I select which places I burn! You're fighting mother nature here. You know what happens then? You lose.

Anyway, as I fly happily around my volcano, eating aptonoth and leaving everyone well enough alone for the time being, some tiny little hunter comes running across the rocks. How that hunter got there, and how they survive standing two feet away from lava, I don't know. And really, I don't think drinking some ice water would save you either...weird. Quite frankly, I'm offended. They think they can run into my home, ready to kill me for doing my _natural duty_! I think they should learn to appreciate me and give me flowers, or food. Mm, food. That sounds nice. Well, now I'm just hungry. And after spending a little while kicking this hunter's bipedal ass, (Despite the fact that I'm a biped too, her ass was much lamer than mine. Rathian tell me my ass is hot all the time. Speaking of Rathian, I haven't been seeing many of them around lately. Huh. I wonder why.) Whoa. Lost my train of thought. Backread, backread, oh! I remember now. I was hungry. Right. SO! I figure chewing an arm of the hunter is two birds, one stone! I get to eat, and they get...one less arm.

Plan decided, I fly up into the air, and before the hunter can blink, I'm standing on top of her. But before I can even get one bite in, she throws a load of crap in my face! Literally! Who does that? That's just...not even cool! That's just _asking_ to get Hepatitis or an infection. My eyes and full of what I guess to be Aptonoth poop, (Talk about a full-circle slap in the face. Owch.) I think maybe a bit of flying around will help get rid of the smell. While the hunter pokes my feet with her sword, which is a minor inconvenience, I get off the ground and fly up into the volcano. My idea worked, because I'm awesome. But, that annoying hunter decides to come running after me.

I really can't understand why she'd come running up into the heart of an active volcano, but whatever. I was just about to fly up, and sink my deadly awesome poison claws into her, when I hear a huge roar, and a massive green beast comes out of the ground!

Great, just when I didn't want it to show up, the Deviljho decides to drop by and say hi. I thought he had moved on to the Tundra. Guess he ate all the Popo. Either way, he's not going to stop me from killing the pest. Resuming the fight, I use my most powerful attack; I run at her, knock her down, and right as she's about to get up, I do it again! Ha! She keeps falling down! The Jho is trying to kill her too, it seems. Which is nice for me! ...Until he slams right into me, breaking my beautiful crest of scales. That asshole!

"Hey, whose side are you on!" I roar at him, but as I'm distracted, the hunter manages to cut off my tail! That hurts! A lot! But, at least mine can't be cut off twice, unlike the Lagiacrus. Poor bastard. So now, I'm pissed. I turn around, roar in her face, and take off, hitting her with a fireball as I go jump into the air.

I fail to notice, however, the Deviljho has been drooling for a while. I do notice, however, when he starts to chew on my tail! "Seriously!" I fly straight at him, seeking revenge for my beautiful tail. We tussle a bit, I hit him with a fireball, he bites me and whatever, when I turn around and notice the hunter is gone! Where did she go? The Deviljho isn't done with me, apparently, and comes charging after me. I want to kick his ass back to the Tundra, but I don't think my blood pressure could handle that. What would be more embarrassing than dying of a heart attack while fighting a human? No thank you. It's not worth it, so I fly up and leave that area. I look down, trying to find the hunter, because _I'm_ not done with _her._ Eventually, I find her kneeling in a pool of water. Bathing on the hunt? At least she's cleanly. I land, and the fight resumes! Gasp!

...But she's just standing around like an idiot. That pisses me off! Is she mocking me? She is! Bitch! She lobs something at me, and suddenly, I have a bright pink spot on my face! That smells like elderberries! Gross, pink is such an unmanly color! Oh, now she's done it. I run at her, planning on knocking her down again and again, when suddenly my whole body is paralyzed. I can't move at all, when she starts throwing things at me again. And suddenly, I feel...really sleepy...I yawn, and fall down to sleep, having dreams of chasing hunters and flying around the universe, with rainbows trailing from my wings. A cat with a pop tart for a body flies by, and I chase it around Pluto, before I become King of that planet with the blue people... Ah...

Guess where I live now? In a pen. And sometimes they let me out to fight hunters. Great.

A/N: That concludes it. I puttered out towards the end, so the final sentence kinda sucks. Haha. Anyway, if anyone wants to play MH3 with me online, look me up! My character name is Lynnay, and my code is QAYZME. I have Wii Speak, too. (I bought my headset like, a month ago, and I have yet to use it once. D: )


End file.
